Meet…MistressSpade!

“You’re only dominant because you haven’t met the right man to submit to yet. If you met the right Master, you’d stop pretending to be dominant.”

Believe it or not, that sentiment has been shared repeatedly with Mistress Spade. Of course, no one has ever said it to her face (perhaps because she’s often holding toys that could reduce that person to a pulp), but she’s received a number of messages on FetLife from people sharing that belief.

“I think that a lot of men have it in their heads that all women like that old-school relationship/role. Some think all women agree that only the man can be dominant, and we all must kneel at their feet. I’m certainly not like that. I know in My heart that I am Dominant…it just didn’t come out until 5 years ago. The only people who don’t show respect are the ones who don’t know who I am and don’t know the story of My life,” says MistressSpade.

So how exactly did her journey to dominance begin? Well, like so many of us, she had a father who was very dominant, controlling every aspect of the family’s day-to-day life at times. As she grew older, she began to exert her own will in her life, in the typical rebellious teenager style. A few tattoos, facial piercings, and much personal growth later, she had the courage to stand up to him and live the life that she wanted for herself.

MistressSpade has a hard time picking out a moment when she suddenly realized she was kinky, but says she was always making ‘alternative’ choices and had a penchant for corsets. Her choices meant she often felt a bit ‘out of place’ around her ‘vanilla’ friends. Certain life events helped to bring about subtle changes, which would eventually help shape her into who she is today.

She explains, “I lived in England for 14 months and a guy I was seeing there was a little alternative. I remember he was the first guy I had sort of vanilla-kinky sex with. He used a bandana to tie My hands together. I remember being really turned on, but for some reason it didn’t seem 100% right. I didn’t think anything more of it at the time. This was near the end of My time there and we didn’t really explore any further.”

After returning to Canada, she met her future husband, electricspade. Their relationship may have started out kinky, but that was soon to change!

“It was kind of cute actually. We were laying in bed talking, and he said ‘What do you think about gags?’ I said I had never tried them before, but I was open to anything. he took one out from under his bed and asked if I could put it on him. The rest is history!”

Their relationship has solidified into a 24/7 D/s dynamic, where the power exchange between them is always present in one form or another. While that doesn’t mean he is always naked and on a leash, it does mean that they find ways to incorporate that exchange into their day-to-day life. If you spent time with them in person, you’d be likely to see electricspade serving her beverages, opening doors for her, and catering to anything else she desires. As an act of service, every evening he readies her toothbrush to be used before bed, pulls back the blankets on the bed, and sets a fresh glass of water on the bedside table.

Excited by these developments, MistressSpade was happy when a friend from England came to visit, thinking she’d be able to share this side of herself with a friend that she knew was somewhat open to kink. “I thought she would be okay with him being in a collar while she was here. Nope! It just got awkward and electric and I weren’t able to be ourselves while she was here. I haven’t talked to her since. That visit was just awful! I think she had changed as well since I saw her last and we just didn’t click anymore.”

As a result, she’s been a bit more reserved when it comes to sharing her kinky side with her friends. “I guess it was My way of moving away from those old high school friends who really had nothing in common with Me. I honestly don’t think I had anything in common with them anymore other than our childhood memories. Adulthood and living in China and England changed Me and allowed Me to experience the real person that I am and unfortunately it wasn’t the person I was when I was friends with them. Now I only have kink friends and I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

So, what is dominance all about for MistressSpade? She replies, “Dominance to Me is being able to have such a strong connection with someone that you have the ability to give one look, or say one word, and know that you have full control over that person. It MUST be a mutual agreement between the Dominant and submissive. Some people think Dominance means they have control over anyone they want, but to Me it’s having control over someone who has given you the ability to do so. I don’t expect any other submissive at a party to kneel down before Me when saying hello. If we have not established some sort of dynamic before hand, it’s not expected. Dominance is a gift given to Me by those who submit to Me. In return, I give them the beatings they have only dreamed about! (laughs)”

Her style of play is best described as ‘sensual, with a shitload of mindfucks’. She loves to have fun, and laughter often makes an appearance in her scenes, though sometimes it may be difficult to determine whether she’s just having fun, or whether it’s caused by her devious intentions!

Recently, MistressSpade has been hosting kinky events for those that identify as women, in the form of The Kinky Femme. “I wanted a place where women could come and feel 100% comfortable about themselves, without having to worry about any type of uncomfortable situations that might occur. For Me, I open up most when I am around other women. It’s just a comfort for Me. I find it much easier to talk about anything and everything with other women, when no men are around. I just hope that if there are any females on FetLife that haven’t come out to any events yet because of any reason, hopefully they will come out to a Kinky Femme to help break the ice and then we can let them know about other great events they are missing out on!”

To find out more about MistressSpade and The Kinky Femme you can visit her profile or FetLife group.